I am John Lennon

Hello, it has been a few weeks since I last posted but the break was required in order to whittle down the subject of my next blog. I have decided to talk about cover artists who take on their tribute to a whole new level. I call this the 'John Lennon Complex'. In my opinion a great tribute artist sounds and has similar looks to the artist they are portraying, On stage.(looks are not everything to me, it just helps to add to the experience)

There has been a rise over the years of tributes taking the character off stage to the point were they walk around Tesco in full on stage mode. Most recently it was a local Meat Loaf act. Singing to the top of what was left of his smoke damaged vocal chords whilst throwing a packet of fucking no frills burgers into his trolley and in full costume!! I have never been so tempted to push someone into the freezers but I knew ( I actually calculated in my head) "Body mass vs Freezer space over pregnant woman hormone force" would not work for me nor the trolley I was going to use to shove him in.

More often than none these knob jockeys believe that they are the actual artist and/or carry their spirit within them. I am open for anyone reading this, who believes they fit the above description, to put forward their argument as to why they feel this way and do these things. You are a tribute act.....get over the fact you are not that person and stop talking down to other artists because you believe you are greater than them!

A few questions I would like to ask out of genuine curiosity:

Why do you keep a fake accent and use it off stage to talk to people? (Normally when this happens the accent is terrible)
Why do you walk around off stage, in town, doing your shopping, get married etc in your full tribute gear?
On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your performance as a tribute act? and what factors is this opinion based on?
If you believe you carry the spirit of the real artist inside of you, how the fuck have you come to this conclusion?
If you carry the Spirit of Lennon when you sing, why do you still sound like an average tribute trying to impersonate Cilla Black? Why do you continue to act like this off stage?
Do you realize people think you are a tool?
Why have you had surgery in order to try and look like the artist when, in fact its made you look more like you may have had some sort of viral attack on your nervous system?

One band I met a few years ago at Beatle Week hail from Argentina, and although they were good musically as a band, their presence off stage made me feel very uncomfortable. Not only were they very tanned but the Paul thought he was really Paul and had undergone surgery to raise his eyebrow line and to create a rounder looking eye.

The John had undergone nose surgery, The George walked around with a quivering lip and The Ringo, well, the photo says it all but he was a nice guy to talk to. They spoke with fake scouse accents, even though their English was very broken, and tried to pull any girl that shown the slightest bit of interest.On days they did not gig, they still walked around fully suited, booted and wigged up throwing out quotes from 'Help' and 'A Hard Days Night'. "Want to let everyone know you're in a Beatle Band do you?" Your talent will speak on stage you idiots!

Surgery and 'role playing' can maybe be forgiven, but the true belief that you carry the soul of Lennon is another thing all together. Yes, there are people who truly believe they are doing what they do because Lennon has selected them to carry out what he could not continue.....

For a start if Lennon decided to stick close by to anybody it would be his loved ones and not some tribute act who has never had any impact on his life whatsoever.

I implore anyone with these beliefs in themselves to come forward and speak to me. Give me an insight into why the fuck you think you are, and I quote, "The chosen" one.

In addition to all the above, must come a feeling of " I am irresistible to all because I am the real deal"

Er no, you are fucking not you TWAT. Call me harsh but do not think that because you 'play' a famous person on stage (and or off stage for the tribute extremists ) that all women find you attractive. To some, it maybe a turn on due to it being the closest to the real thing they are ever going to get personal with. But not all and certainly not me.

A few words of advice:

Leave your wig, suits and boots in the dressing room after you have left the performance area.
Do not tell anyone you are/have been/ felt the presence, of John Lennon. You will regarded a twat.
Do not assume you look like or sound like an artist just because 1 person said it might be a good idea to become their tribute.
Do not get a 'Gods Gift' complex when you do start gigging. Things like this are easy to spot and make you look even more like a twat.
If you get surgery, go to the best one around and only get it if you already really do look like the artist you impersonate. You could end up looking like some of these examples......

The Kim Kardashian